


Inhuman

by ZaneBoi



Category: Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, GLACIER, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Ninjago, Panic Attacks, Poetry, cole is an artist, glaciershipping - Freeform, i honestly have no idea how to tag, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaneBoi/pseuds/ZaneBoi
Summary: After a rough night, Cole has a conversation with Zane about his new ghostly body.Made for a contest on amino.(cross-posting on wattpad)





	Inhuman

Why am I here?

Why is this happening?

Why won’t it stop?

Please just stop…

Cole burrowed his hands into his hair, his nails digging into his scalp. The earth ninja’s eyes were tightly shut, everything too bright and painful to look at. He could feel every drop of sweat that teared its way down his dark skin. His breathing was labored and coming out in pained huffs. All he could hear was the hammering of his ghostly heart as it sped faster than it probably should. Cole was also sure that he was crying but it was hard to tell with all the other sensations that he was feeling. It was too much.

Everything was too bright, too loud, too much. This shouldn’t even be happening. Cole hasn’t been able to feel anything since he was cursed to become a ghost. And It seems if all of a sudden he’s feeling everything at once. It was too much.

He couldn’t remember where exactly he was. Oh wait… that’s right. Cole was in his bedroom. It must be late. All he remembered was going to his room after dinner. He was upset right? What was he upset about again? Cole couldn’t quite pinpoint it. It would come to him later. It’s funny isn’t it? he couldn’t even remember why he was upset yet thinking about it made him cry harder. Cole started choking on his tears, but he still refused to make a sound. Instead he welcomed the pain that swelled up in his chest from the lack of oxygen. It was too much. 

He clenched his hands even tighter as another wave hit him. Cole was going to pull out his hair at this rate. The sheets underneath him felt like sandpaper and anytime he shifted it would scrape painfully across his knees. The slight ticking of his clock was driving him to madness as it echoed in his eardrums, the only other sound being a high-pitched ringing that didn’t seem to stop. It was too much.

Cole sat, knees tucked to his chin for an indefinite amount of time. It seemed like hours to him, but it could have only been minutes. When he felt the pulsing start to calm and the ringing start to lessen, the ninja slowly shifted into a more open position. The sheets shifting against his skin still made him wince and his hands ached from being clenched so long. Turning his head slightly, Cole spotted a notebook to the side of him as well as a pencil. A few words were already scribbled down, but they were shaky, almost unreadable. Cole identified the notebook as his journal. Something he would write in whenever feeling upset, usually in the form of poems or song lyrics. Sensei was the one who had given him the leather notebook, telling him to focus his negative energy in it. Cole remembered that Kai had been given something similar, but it just ended up a pile of ash after a few uses. 

Usually Cole wasn’t identified as the “hot head” or “over-emotional,” but he’s had his fair share of rough nights. Being the leader is hard. Even harder when you’re supposed to keep your cool in front of the same people you’re leading. No offense to his team or anything, but sometimes they really knew how to push his buttons. Cole had a bad habit of bottling up his emotions, much like pretty much everyone else on the ‘Bounty,’ and the book was a good way to release his emotions into a single object instead of tearing apart every punching bag on the ship. 

Having something to focus on instead of the faint ringing still echoing in his head, Cole picked up the book, wincing slightly has his sore hand gripped the pencil. 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Zane’s feet tapped almost silently against the wooden floorboards of the ‘Bounty.’ It had been a couple of hours since Cole had erupted out of the dining room. Zane wasn’t there for the whole conversation, as he was still in the kitchen preparing for dinner, but getting a full rundown by Nya, he had an idea of what happened. The water ninja had explained that Cole was having some trouble keeping himself solidified and dropped his glass cup on the floor after it had phased right through his hand. Jay, attempting to lighten the mood made a joke about it. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. Cole left the table as Zane was walking into the dining room to serve dinner. They collided, sending food and tableware everywhere. 

Zane remembers slightly seeing Cole’s face as he shook his head and proceeded to run out of the room. There were slight tears building up in the ghost’s eyes, those eyes that held so much emotion and pain. Zane knew that the earth ninja was having a hard time being in such a different form, tonight was probably a result of pent up emotions and feelings. After giving Cole some time to cool off and collect himself, Zane was going to go check up on him. 

Carrying two mugs of tea in one hand, Zane stepped up to the door of Cole’s room and knocked twice. Not waiting for an answer, Zane slowly opened the door to the dark room. Glancing around quickly Zane could see the silhouette of the earth ninja, laying on his bed. The desk, which was right across the room, had pencils and art supplies messily covering it. The only illumination in the room was a desk lamp, but it’s light didn’t reach as far as the bed. 

“Cole?” The nindroid asked in a hushed tone, in case he was asleep.

Despite Zane’s previous thought, Cole happened to be very awake, and looked up from where he was huddling in the corner of his bed. His shift in movement allowed Zane to spot the notebook and many colored pencils that were sprawled all around the sheets.

“Zane?” Cole looked quite surprised.

After a few awkward moments of staring at each other, Zane motioned towards the bed with a mug of tea, “May I sit?”

“Oh- uh yeah of course.” Cole quickly smoothed out the sheet, picking up some of the pencils that had strayed. 

The ghost sat up straighter as a mug was handed to him. Both ninja were now sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall it was up against. 

“About what happened tonight, I.. I’m really sorry.” Cole looked ashamed as he stumbled over his words. “I’m just.. not myself right now.”

Zane noted that his voice sounded scratchy and strained. “It’s alright Cole, nobody blames you. You’re frustrated with yourself and we understand.”

“It’s just… hard.” Cole hugged the warm mug closer to himself. “I feel like no matter how hard I try I’m never fully in control of my own body.” 

Instead of voicing a reply, Zane simply nodded, urging Cole to continue.

“I can’t do the same things I used to… Sometimes I can’t even pick up my goddamn pencils…” Cole sighed. “I just feel numb… all the time. And then when I do feel things, it’s never a good feeling. And it doesn’t help that everyone is treating me different…”

Zane placed a hand on Cole’s. “I understand.” 

This tempted Cole to real back his own hand and scoffed. “Yeah right. Listen, you don’t have to pretend to know what I’m going through just to make me feel better.”

Zane looked offended. “Cole, I’m serious.”

“Nobody understands. And you all keep doing this same thing, trying to convince me you understand and that it’ll get better.” Cole’s tone had shifted to something much darker. “I’m sick of it. Everyone treating me like I’m a piece of glass.”

Zane shifted where he was sitting, so Cole could see his face better. The bright blue of his illuminated eye’s caught the ghost’s attention. “Cole look at me. You don’t think I’ve experienced similar feelings?” The nindroid gestured to his inhuman body.

“That’s different.” Cole looked away “You were never human in the first place.” The ghost’s eyes widen as soon as he finished his sentence, and he quickly covered his mouth with his hands with a small gasp.

Zane’s eyes widened as well, but only for a brief moment, before his gaze hardened.

“Zane, I didn’t-“ Cole stuttered out, “That’s not what I-“

“It’s the truth though isn’t it?” The nindroids eyes never steered away from the bright green eyes they were locked on. 

Everyone on the ‘Bounty’ knew that it was a rough subject for the ice ninja. Zane’s always struggled with his self-worth, He probably always will. After finding out about his mechanical innards, Zane always tried to find ways to make himself seem more… human. The ninja had all tried to help in any way possible and reassured the nindroid that he was still loved and that things hadn’t changed. And just as the ice ninja was finally accepting himself, he was transferred to his new body. One made of metal and gears. A body that didn’t have artificial hair or skin to cover up the inhuman parts. Zane never really talked it out with the ninja like he did the first time they found the blueprints. He kept more to himself, not wanting to bug anyone about his stupid problems. The ninja were still aware of his insecurities, though. 

“But it’s not!” Cole pulled at his hair. “Gah! I’m so stupid! I mess everything up don’t I?”

Zane simply reached forward and pulled the ghostly hands away from Cole’s hair. “Cole I know what you’re going through. I know that you’re stressed and upset, and that you say things that you don’t mean. No matter how true they can be.”

Cole looked down in shame again. “Sorry.”

Zane brought his hand up to cup the ghost’s cheek. “You’ve suddenly been put in a different body that doesn’t feel like your own anymore. Everything about it just makes you feel trapped, like you can’t escape. And no matter how many times people tell you different, you feel like it will never get better. No matter how much they tell you ‘nothing’s changed’ you feel like everything’s changed.”

“Like you’re no longer human…” Cole finished in a hushed tone, his eyes finally trailing up to meet the icy blues.

After a few moments of silence Cole asked in a shaky voice, “Does it ever get better?”

“In some ways, yes.” Zane slightly smiled. “It takes time and a lot of getting used to… It won’t change… Sometimes it never does, but your perception of it can.”

Cole launched himself at the nindroid, burrowing his face in the ice ninja’s chest. It took Zane by surprise as he sat there stiff for a moment, before relaxing and wrapping his arms around the ghostly form. 

“Sometimes the thoughts will creep up on you when you least expect them…. And you’ll feel like you’ve just been lying to yourself this whole time. Like you’re worthless… But you just have to remember that there are people who care about you and are always there for you when you need them.” Zane rubbed Cole’s back and slightly rocked back and forth.

“Just because you’re not human, doesn’t mean that you’re any less valuable.” Zane simply sat there and let the earth ninja hug him. He knew that Cole was vulnerable at the moment. He was bottling up too many emotions and just needed someone to confide in right now. 

Continuing to rub his back, Zane hummed softly to calm his friend’s mind. After almost half an hour, Zane could feel Cole’s weight going limp. The ghost’s head was on his shoulder, and he leaned against the nindroid’s body. Zane made sure that he was truly asleep before moving Cole into a lying position on the bed, and pulled the sheets up to tuck him in. The ice ninja picked up all the colored pencils and the notebook from the bed and walked over to the desk to put them away. While setting down the notebook, a bright green bookmark caught his eye. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, Zane flipped to the page that had been marked and glanced over at its contents. 

It was a poem. Words scribbled down hastily, some in cursive, some in print, along with little doodles on the side, some of which were scratched out. From first glance, the beginning of the poem seemed messily scratched on, as if his hands were shaking. Towards the end the hand writing seemed to smooth out almost completely. Zane knew that Cole was artistic, but he had no idea the ninja wrote poetry. Perhaps another one of his many hidden talents? Going back Zane took the time to actually read the words that were inked down on the page.

“I'm this vast void of nothingness,  
There is no escape.  
I'm this vast void of nothingness,  
Sanity is irrelevant  
In this vast void of nothingness,  
Your soul will never rest. 

This poor pitiful boy,  
Who cries, "I want to leave."  
He does not yet accept  
This is now his home.

With hands that will continue to fade,  
And feet that will never touch the ground,  
He may try and try again.  
But every time he will fail.

In this vast void of nothingness,  
No one can hear you scream  
In this vast void of nothingness  
Your body will betray you  
In this vast void of nothingness  
His lips were turning blue.

Soon your breath will seem too faint,  
But by then you will not care  
You'll be pulled in so deep  
You won't even feel scared 

And by now which you drift to sleep  
In a forever bliss of ignorance  
If you had just asked for help  
It would have never come to this

In this vast void of nothingness  
Here you will forever lie  
Because you were a coward  
And every coward dies.”

Zane was slightly taken back by the words, he realized this was probably very personal to Cole and wasn’t intended for anyone else to read. Slightly ashamed of himself for overstepping his boundaries, Zane gently closed the notebook and set it back on the desk. He clicked off the lamp, sending the room into darkness, and made his way towards the door where he silently exited the room. 

Walking back towards the kitchen, Zane couldn’t stop thinking about what the poem. He knows it’s been very difficult for Cole these past few weeks. He just hoped that maybe their talk tonight had helped even slightly. Cole was part of the team, and one of Zane’s closest friends, the ice ninja would always be there for him… Hopefully after tonight, Cole will understand that. 

Zane looked down at his own robotic hands and flexed them a bit, feeling the metal joints shift and move. 

They both may be inhuman, but at least they’re not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys sorry it's been a while since I've updated any of my stories. I'm going to be moving soon and there is a lot of chaos and stress going on with that so I don't have much time to write. I will try my hardest to be as active as possible but until I settle in then I'm not going to be writing much. Anyways I hope you liked the story, and thank you for watching.


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